Watch Your Language! - How Parents Can Help Kids Help Themselves
|
'I felt great until I walked into the classroom - then itall went wrong!'
No, this wasn't a teacher talking! It was a high schoolstudent on the day of an important exam.
She needed a good grade in a particular subject to qualifyfor a place at college, so she had worked hard and psychedherself up for success.
Then she blew it. She walked into the classroom wherestudents were gathering before going to the exam hall, andallowed herself to be influenced by them.
She told me the atmosphere in the room was charged withnegativity. People were sitting around with gloomy faces,some were wringing their hands and pacing up and down.Others were uttering such comments as:
'I'm going to fail, I just know it!'
'This is going to be SO hard!'
'Mr So-and-So said we've nobody to blame but ourselves.'
'Yeah, it's been an easy paper the last two years. They'rebound to toughen up this year.'
So it went on. And the girl in question allowed herself tobe sucked under. She reported a feeling of nausea as theconfidence drained from her.
In fact, she never failed, but to everyone's disappointment,she never got the high grade expected of her.
However, she learned two very important lessons that day:
* Negative language produces negative results
* If we're not careful we can easily become 'infected' bythe negativity of others.
Our experience in any situation is largely influenced by ourattitude to it, (i.e. the way we FEEL, the way we reactemotionally to the situation).
Our attitude is affected by our thoughts, our thoughtsaffect our language, and our thoughts are in turn affectedBY our language.
And not only by our OWN language, but by the language ofothers - if we're not careful, that is.
Here in the UK teachers are used to hearing studentssay 'I'm stuck!' when working on a classroom assignment orexercise. A challenge has been encountered and the studentis having difficulty finding a solution.
Fair enough, ask the teacher for help, that's what they'rethere for. Many a parent has given their kids that advice.
But what's the effect of saying 'I'm stuck'?
What message does that send to the brain?
As a teacher, I've experimented with this many times - andthe results are always the same!
Whenever I hear someone say 'I'm stuck' I usually say,'Right, I'll be with you shortly.' And I leave them to it.
Other kids will say 'Can you help me, please?' and I'll givethem the same reply.
Now, without fail, the students who were 'stuck' sit andvegetate until the teacher comes over. After all, they'vegiven their brains a message: 'Down tools! There's nothingmore we can do right now.'
The kids who say they need help, however, are always to befound pondering over their work, trying to work out asolution.
That's the influence of language!
I should add, I only ever hear the cries of 'I'm stuck!' ina class that's new to me. Very quickly the students learnthat they're not trees, so they're not stuck!
This is not a denial of reality - it's simply a way ofINTERPRETING reality, and a much better, more effective wayat that.
As a writer, I often hear people say they'd love to write abook. Recently one young woman said exactly that, then followed upwith '. . . but I don't suppose I ever will.'
She was rather offended when I replied, 'No, I don't supposeyou will.'
However, we talked about negative language, and she wasgrateful for the advice. As Henry Ford so aptly put it: 'Ifyou think you can't - you're right!'
So how can we, as parents, help in our child's education and in life in general?
Help them monitor their language. And, as always, give thema good example by keeping our own language positive!Gently point out that 'I hate Chemistry!' will only reinforce a negative attitude to that subject.
'I need to work at Chemistry' will make it easier to do justthat!
When kids complain they are bored, encourage them to think,'I could be more interested in this!' The message to thebrain? - 'Come on, rouse yourself! Take an interest.'
So far, so good. But what about the negative language ofothers, which can so easily throw our kids off guard.
Here's a simple technique that, believe me, really works!
When you encounter a negative atmosphere or negativelanguage, try to remove yourself from it. But if you can't,just imagine you are enclosed in a plastic bubble or glassbell jar - double or triple glazed if necessary!
Tell yourself that your positive contributions can gooutand affect others, but their negative comments bounce offand don't get near you.
Try it. It works . . .
Happy parenting!
Why do some parents and children succeed, while othersfail?Frank McGinty is an internationally published author andteacher. If you want to develop your parentingskills and encourage your kids to be all they can be, visit his web pages, http://www.frank-mcginty.com/peace-formula.html
AND http://www.frank-mcginty.com/for-parents.html
|
|
|
Quality Time?
There's a phrase that's become popular over the past few years that fills me with wonder. That phrase is "quality time." We've all heard it, and we all seem to accept it as a real concept. But to the average country person, that phrase is difficult to comprehend.Here's what I mean. Last summer, my 10-year-old son Cody and I spent an entire day walking the fields, checking fences. When we saw a post that needed straightening or a stran...(related: Parenting)
Parenting Your Teenager: How To Build Trust
``Mom, can I go to the mall with my friend Jenny?''``No, not after you came home late last night.''``Well, everyone else gets to.''``I don't care what everybody else gets to do; you can't.''``You just don't trust me.''``You've got to earn it.''``I have.''``No, you haven't.''``Have, too.''``Have not.''SLAM! Etc.If the above conversation sounds familiar, you're probably the parent of a teen-ager.I especially like the ``everybody else gets to do it'' line. My parents' response was, ``If everyone else stood on their heads in the middle of the street at 3 a.m. in their underwear, w...(related: Parenting)
Public Schools Can Waste 12 Years Of Your Child?s Life
For over fifty years, public-school officials and politicians have tried one education fad after another. They have all failed. Children should not be turned into victims and educational guinea pigs by public-school authorities. Here's why public schools can waste 12 years of your children's lives and destroy their love of learning:1. These schools teach children to read with the whole-language method, which cripples children's ability to read. That is why after 12 years, millions of graduating high-school students have poor reading skills, and some students can barely read their own diplomas.2. Public scho...(related: Parenting)
How To Be A Bad Mother
As I sit here and reflect on the past two days and really the past two months, I am flooded with memories of the past and present. All of these thoughts run through my head and I feel so angry and resentful. Let me say I have been mad in the past few years but in complete honesty I haven't been quite this angry and at this point I don't know how to begin the healing process. I am back down th...(related: Parenting)
5 Ways To Help Your Kids Do Math
Uh oh.Your kids arrive home with their school reports and it'spoor marks from the math department. Now what do you do?You may not be a math teacher, but thankfully there are waysyou can help your kids improve their grades.Studies have show...(related: Parenting)
Normal And Logical Consequences
Successful parents have learned to be both firm and kind at the same time. They set boundaries and work with their children to help them understand that they will follow through with appropriate action if inappropriate behavior cont...(related: Parenting)
The Homeopathic Nutraceutical Attend As An Alternative To Ritalin
You no longer have to use Ritalin or other stimulants to treat ADHD. You no longer have to consider anti-depressants as the alternative to stimulants. There are other choices. Healthier choices.
Eighteen months of clinical research has resulted in the further improvement of Vaxa's outstanding "Attend" product, used for the treatment of Attention Deficit Disorder, with or witho...(related: Parenting)
A Mothers Love
Once upon a time there was a beautiful bird whose golden feathers and sweet voice attracted attention where ever she went. She was not only beautiful but also extremely intelligent and talented and she longed to leave the nest and try her wings out in the big world.At first she did not fly far from home and when she returned to the nest, she still felt a part of it but then she flew to a foreign land and things began to change. She stayed for awhile on the rim of the nest o...(related: Parenting)
Teach Children The Skills Of Optimism
Optimists do better academically, socially and enjoy better health than pessimists.Helpi...(related: Parenting)
Parenting Your Teenager: 4 Traps To Avoid
4 traps to avoidTrap 1 - Parents need to realize the trap that is being set when your kids ask,"Well, why can't I (fill in the blank)?"Many well-intentioned parents then proceed to give a well-reasoned response and then wonder why the kids blow up and don't accept it.Here's a response I believe a parent will never get:"Thank you for that explanation Mom and Dad. I've never thought of it that way before. And now that you've explained it that way, I can't believe I wanted to do that. I apologize for asking. Thanks for setting me straight."If your child ever says this, call me immediately because something is terribly wrong.Yet, as parents, we act as ...(related: Parenting)
Child Discipline - Be Consistent With Your Child
The biggest complaint you hear from parents about their children is "they don't listen to me and I have tried everything"Then when you start talking, you find out that parents give in at the end because it is just too exhausting to be consistent.For example--you ...(related: Parenting)
Signs Of Child Sexual Abuse
Many families do not want to believe their child is being sexually abused even if the signs of child sexual abuse are staring them straight in the face. Unfortunately many families are in a similar situation where both parents are working full time and someone other than the biological parents are caring for their children. Under these circumstances the potential for child sexual abuse is more prevalent. Obviously under these circumstances it is tremendously important for parents to watch for the signs of child sexual abuse.Some common s...(related: Parenting)
site-map - Copyright © 2006 | Contact Webmaster | All Rights Reserved. | Parenting