Time To Connect With Your Teen
|
While on a recent trip to the grocery store, I happened to hear a mother telling her teenage daughter not to answer her ringing cell phone. Of course, the daughter explained to her mother that "she just had to answer it" As the mother was in the middle of stating how she barely gets two minutes of her daughters time in a day, and her daughter answering the ever so "important" call anyways, all I could think was how much I could relate with this poor woman. In fact, I'm sure most parents with teenage children can relate to her as I did.
On the Parents side of the coin, it's like we went from diapering our children and being the center of their universe to complete strangers..! Of course, the teens would say we have just plain out turned into a major pain in the rear for them. It's a bit weird for me when I think about the time when my boys were younger, all they wanted was my complete attention that sometimes was a struggle to provide at every minute of the day. Welcome to the Teen Years Parents...! The roles have switched.. As much as we dislike it, we will now struggle to get the attention of our children as they struggle to give it to us... Ultimately, we do want our children to become strong, independent, and well-rounded adults, and most of them will. However, during this whole process of becoming a teenager, as parents we tend to go through a bit of separation anxiety of our own. Our teens simply do not require the same attention they did when they were younger. It is important for all parents to realize during this transition, our teens DO need our attention and our love, but we have to approach it differently as they make their way to independence. This is the phase where talking and relating with our teens will meet its biggest challenge. Hang on to your hats parents...!The time you once shared with your child is now going to be limited because of academics, extra curricular activities, friends, and maybe even a part-time job. Because of these factors, it's important to take advantage of every opportunity you get to spend time with your child and make the most of it.
The first part of doing this is grabbing their interest first.
For myself, I have found the best ways to grab their attention is to find things that I have in common with them or show a genuine interest in the things they like or may be involved with. Unfortunately, teens tend to feel they really don't have anything in common with their parents, or the parents just can't seem to grasp what it's like to be a teenager in today's society. This is why you need to show them you're not the person from the "dark ages" as they may think and to do this, you need to listen, learn, and pay attention to what they have going on in their world. If you can manage to do this, you could be well on your way to being the "cool" but responsible parent they didn't know they had.
Now you're probably wondering how you are going to pull this off.. Don't worry...
I will give you an example.My teenage son has a big interest in stereo sound systems, so one day I just started asking him questions about stereos and sure enough, his face lit up like a Christmas tree.. In fact, I couldn't get him to stop talking. At the start of our conversation, I had little knowledge about this subject, but at the same time it was a complete joy just to be talking with my teen and have him actually open up and I learned a few things too. My main focus was to get him to engage in a conversation with me and by asking just a couple short questions about something he really had a passion for, he opened up. Before I knew it, he was bringing me magazines, pictures, and even took me to the computer to show me all sorts of things. Before long, we went from discussing stereo systems to all kinds of things. This approach has worked magic for me, so I suggest to other parents to find what peaks your teen's interest the most and roll with it. This is the time to keep it light and keep things fun. Your goal is to open the lines of communication again with your teen rather than leaving them closed. Once you have managed to show your teen that you are interested in the little things that mean to so much to them, they will be more apt to come to you with bigger issues they have going on in their life. Especially once they realize that they have one of the coolest parents around.At this point, your most likely asking yourself "Where do I find the time?" Timing is the biggest trick for parents and finding the most opportune moment is key. While your teen may not have several hours to devote to talking with mom and dad, there are probably more times in your day than you realize in which you can utilize to communicate with your teen.
In fact, it only takes just a few minutes to get a lot of information passed along. The simplest way to find the time might be the car ride to and from school, at breakfast time, or dinner etc.. Keep in mind that the car ride may not be the best time to get into heavy conversation, but a great chance to find out what they have planned for their day and to get a feel for what their mood is. Meal times tend to provide a more relaxed setting, which means if you have more than one child, you can talk to them as a family unit rather than targeting one of them out. This is also a good time to address light topics that pertain to ALL of your children such as homework, chores, etc. Sometimes talking as a group relaxes everyone and for the teen that thinks his parents are always on his back, it's a perfect time to discuss minor things in a way that the teen doesn't feel he/she is alone or being singled out. Choosing the right time and place to talk to your teen is always important. If the topic of conversation is related to only your teen, be sure to have that discussion when it's only you and your teen present.
Participating in a one-on-one activity they like is also a good time for what they may consider a private discussion. Sometimes it's not anything heavy they wish to discuss, but they have the need to maintain their privacy and don't always want their business (no matter how minor the topic) open for a group discussion. It's all part of them gaining their independence.When our children were younger, they were literally on our heals for the attention, but in this NEW period of their life, they appear as if they don't need it or want it anymore and they are constantly pushing us away, But don't be fooled..!
They "still" very much need us and need to know we are there for them. The transition from child to adult can be a trying time for both the teen and the parents. They may need you more then ever as they complete this journey, but their needs will be that of a different level. So get on their level and relate with them. Be there for them and most of all LOVE them for who they are becoming.
This article was written by Tammy Pinarbasi, Owner of the Parent Super Site, http://www.parentsupersite.com
You are welcome to use this article, however, a link back to this site would be appreciated. Thank you!
|
|
|
An Overview Of Alternative Treatments For Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
Since so many would rather avoid the use of stimulant medications for the treatment of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder if possible, a growing need for the development of alternative treatments for ADD ADHD has developed over the past twenty years. Although there are many products that claim to help any child with ADD ADHD, the truth is that there are only a few non-medication treatments for attention deficit disorder that have actually undergone even the simplest of clinical trials. Most alternative treatments have never been carefully studied to determine their effectiveness in the real world.
Our four favorite non-medication treatments for attention deficit disorder have been studied in the real world. They are Behavior Modification therapy, the Nutraceutical medicine...(related: Parenting)
The 411 On Natural Colic Remedies
Any parent whose baby has suffered from colic can tell you that colic is one of the most excruciating experiences ever imaginable. Nothing is worse than seeing one's baby in pain and not being able to help take it away. Finding relief for colic quickly becomes a top priority. There are many different colic remedies that may come to the rescue for your particular baby. Each baby is unique and may only respond to some or a combination of colic remedies. Unfortunately, parents may have to use the old trial and error method to determine which provide the greatest amount of relief for their ...(related: Parenting)
Breastfeed A Toddler - Why?
Is your baby approaching his or her first birthday and you're considering weaning?The American Academy of Pediatrics currently recommends that "breastfeeding continue for at least 12 months, and thereafter for as long as mutually desired."If you and your baby are still enjoying the nursing experience, why not take a look at some of the advantages of nursing beyondthat first year?1) Immunological BenefitsContrary to popular belief, mother's milk does not have an expiration date!Your baby continues to receive all the benefits of human milk for as long as he is nursing. In fact, your milk changes to meet your baby's changing needs. For instance, did you know that the milk of a ...(related: Parenting)
Tips For Keeping Packed Lunches Fun And Interesting
? Let the child choose his or her own lunch box or reusable lunch bag. Encourage the child to add decorations, too.? Children like finger foods. Cut chicken, cheese, or meat into bite-sized pieces for easier handling.? Sandwiches don't have to be boring. Use a variety of breads and fillings. Cut sandwiches into squares or triangles, or use...(related: Parenting)
Teaching Respect And Values In Todays Society
The girl's jaw dropped in horror as the police officer spokethese words:"Don't go there. Have you any idea how many kids have beenstabbed in the past year? They'll kill you as soon as lookat you. They have no respect for life."The mother breathed a sigh of relief. She had come in toschool to seek my help, as I was her daughter's GuidanceCounsellor. We needed to convince the girl that the placesshe was frequenting were putting her very life in danger.Fort...(related: Parenting)
Is Your Child Having Trouble In School?
Did you know that the school system is only able to meet 50% of student learning needs?That's right! - only 50% of the student population is in an environment at school which enables them to be successful learners.The reason for this is not because of bad teachers.There are many excellent, dedicated teachers in schools, whose life's work and passion is to educate their students to the best of their ability. Teachers want to see their students successful, that is why they have given years to training and service. It is not the fault of the teachers that many students do not reach their potential in learning.It is not a result of bad parenting.Many parents spend a great deal of time and energy trying to ensure that their children have the best education possible. Parents help w...(related: Parenting)
Drugs And Violence In Public Schools
Many public schools not only fail to educate our children, they can also be dangerous places. These schools are a natural breeding ground for drugs and violence. Children are packed into classrooms with twenty or more other immature children or teenagers, all the same age. Here, peer pressure becomes socialization, pushing many children into using drugs and alcohol.Put twenty teenagers in the same room, or hundreds of teenagers in the sam...(related: Parenting)
Parents And Children Working Together
When parents help their children learn to read, they help open the door to a new world. As a parent, you can begin an endless learning chain: You read to your children, they develop a love of stories and poems, they want to read on their own, they practice reading, and finally they read for their own information or pleasure. They become readers, and their world is forever expanded and enriched.This newsletter focuses primarily on what you can do to help children up to 10 years of age. During these years you can lay the foundation for you child to become a lifelong reader.There is no need to w...(related: Parenting)
Small Children, Languages And Myths
Our children are growing up bilingual in the French part of Canada ? Québec. "That's fine", says everyone. "Even though they'll probably start speaking later because they're learning two languages at once, they'll catch up."Well actually, this well-entrenched idea that bilingual children are slower to acquire language, is actually a myth!We were surprised and delighted to learn that research is finding that bilingual children do NOT acquire language later than monolingual children. Our first child participated in a language study on babies carried out at McGill University of Montréal, Québec, Canada. There it was explained to us that research is finding that the difference in language acquisition of one child compared to another is very large. Some children speak sooner, some ...(related: Parenting)
Lets Protect Our Children
There are software programs that you can purchase to keep your children from accessing undesirable websites. There are two good ones, Cyber Patrol and Net Nanny.There is also software that will create a log of all the sites that have been visited by your PC. It allows you to check on the sites your children are visiting.You can also use your History Button on your web browser.If you are running Windows 98, you can set-up a "Cont...(related: Parenting)
What Is Prenatal Intelligence?
Prenatal intelligence, also known as fetal intelligence, has become a very hot topic among medical professionals and expecting parents because of the affects it might have on the fetus. Many...(related: Parenting)
What Is Hyperactivity In Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder?
Most of the ADHD kids that are seen in a private practice setting are hyperactive kids simply because they get into the most trouble. Their parents are usually pulling their hair out and saying, "We've got to get this child some help." The sad truth is that if a parent is going to spend money to get treatment for his kid, that kid's usually got to get into trouble first. So that's why hyperactive kids are seen the most in treatment.
Remember, though, not all of the kids with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder are hyperactive. Perhaps as...(related: Parenting)
Parenting Your Teenager: How To Say No!
Q: Whenever we tell my daughter "no," she just bugs and pesters until we give in. I know it's wrong to give in, but she makes things so unpleasant that we give in just to make peace. How can we turn this situation around?A: You have a problem. Your daughter knows that your nos are not to be taken seriously. When you say "no" and then give in to the inevitable hassling and b...(related: Parenting)
site-map - Copyright © 2006 | Contact Webmaster | All Rights Reserved. | Parenting