Strong-willed Kids: Raising A Spirited Child
|
Sometimes a change of perspective can make a huge difference for parents when their children's behaviour worries them. This point was evident recently when I was involved in a minor disagreement with one of my daughters.
I was annoyed that she dug her heels in and refused to give me any ground while we discussing the issue of bed-time. As she went off to her room with a victorious look on her face I said through gritted teeth, "She can be so pig-headed sometimes. I just wish that she would give in occasionally. She is so determined."
My wife reminded me that my daughter's determination was the same quality that I had been admiring on the basketball court about an hour earlier. She was right. I was nearly hoarse cheering my daughter as she ran up and down the court like a terrier. She was involved in every contest, burrowing in, determined to get the ball and do the best for her team. She continually encouraged her team-mates when the game wasn't going their way. Giving up is not in her nature. As a parent I was so proud of her tremendous tenacity and will-to-win.
Yet here I was little more than an hour later cursing the same quality that I admired in a different arena. Her never-say-die attitude in sport had become never-give-in at home and I wasn't comfortable with that.
I can't have it both ways - a daughter who is tiger in sport but a pussy cat at home. The strong-willed girl that I cheer in basketball is not going to become a quiet, acquiescent little thing at home just to appease her father. So I shrugged my shoulders, thankful that my daughter knows what she wants and has the determination to achieve it.
This same determination has been an asset in many areas of her life. It has helped her overcome earlier reading difficulties and is being put to good use as she tries to improve in other areas at school.
My challenge as a parent is to channel her behaviours rather than change her or snuff out her determination to get what she wants. My daughter will learn in time that she cannot always treat every situation head-on and that to get her own way sometimes it is essential to give a little ground. In the meantime I will have to change my own way of dealing with her if we are to avoid unnecessary conflict. It will make for interesting times when she enters adolescence!
As a parent it is easy to see only the negative side of children's behaviours. At times we are so close to our children or tired and fatigued that we lose our objectivity and our sense of proportion goes out the window. When they fail to meet our expectations it is often hard to look for a positive side.
Often it takes another person, a neutral observer to paint a brighter picture. A friend told me of her surprise when her son's teacher commented on his "creative, artistic streak". She informed the teacher that she found the assessment strange as the only creativity she ever saw from her son was "the endless chaos of an untidy bedroom." She admits that she sees the mess in a different light since then.
Another friend who was so tired of her son continually asking her questions that she dubbed him "the walking question mark" was heartened when a friend congratulated her for having such an inquisitive son. "You are lucky to have a child who asks you questions. I just wish my children showed the same attitude to learning," said the hapless mother who was frustrated by the lack of curiosity of her off-spring. One child's vice is another child's virtue. It just depends on the perspective that you take.
No matter how infuriating our kids can be if we look hard enough or even change our perspective we can see a positive side. The same qualities that may annoy parents can be an asset in the schoolyard, classroom or even the workplace a few years down the track. Stubbornness is a short step away from assertiveness which is an admirable quality for both sexes. Attention-seekers while draining for parents can be very gregarious and have a stack of friends. Bossy kids who love to give orders can make good leaders provided you show them how.
Effective teachers look for opportunities to turn children's more dubious behaviours into assets. Talkative kids are given opportunities to use their verbal skills legitimately through oral reports and other classroom activities. Strong-willed children are encouraged to be independent, take more responsibility for their own learning and be involved in decisions that affect them. Those children who have difficulty sitting still often excel in activities like sport, art or drama when given the chance.
The way that adults see children's behaviour affects how they treat them. Trying to find a positive side even when children are getting up our nose is not only a sanity-saver but helps us enjoy rather than simply endure our kids.
Michael Grose is The Parent Coach. For seventeen years he has been helping parents deal with the rigours of raising kids and survive!! For information about Michael's Parent Coaching programs or just some fine advice and ideas to help you raise confident kids and resilient teenagers visit http://www.parentingideas.com.au
|
|
|
Delightful Defrazzlers
I will cherish this moment. I will not let it slip away like sand between my fingers.Yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come, but I have this moment today!(Unknown)With the crazy kinds of schedules that moms need to cope with today It's more important than ever to learn how to grab hold of moments to refresh, strengthen and nourish our souls and bodies. If you asked most mothers what their biggest frustration is, I think you'd find that one of them is a lack of time to look after their own needs so that they can be more effective at their mothering.The key for me has been the ability to find small moments ? like five minutes - and then use them well. The trick is being prepared! Here are some ideas to get you started."Mini Car-Spa"...(related: Parenting)
Choosing Names For Twins
There are many reasons for treating your twins as individuals rather than a pair. But if you must choose names that go together here are a few suggestions. But first, always make sure the first name goes with the surname, and watch out for the initials - spell out baby's initials to make sure you are not increasing her chances of being teased or bullied. Also, keep it sensible; we came across twins the other day named Mercedes and Porche - admittedly the babies will probably cost about the same as the cars by the time they leave home, and perhaps Daddy would have preferred the cars?! OK, now to the suggestions. ...(related: Parenting)
Kids Party Etiquette For Parents
Ever feel like you're out of the loop when it comes to the unspoken rules of kids party etiquette?Experienced Moms and Dads know the do's and don'ts of both hosting and attending kids parties.Here are some pearls of wisdom from these parent experts to those just starting out on the party circuit...INVITATIONSThe rule of thumb passed down by experienced Moms a...(related: Parenting)
Teach Your Child About Money
What are we teaching our children about money? Hopefully something!I remember when I was growing up, our family did not discuss money. Mon...(related: Parenting)
How To Deal With Your Child?s Inappropriate Behaviour
Children bombard parents with many challenging behaviours. We are delighted if their behaviour is mostly positive. But what if your child constantly demonstrates negative behaviour? How are you going to deal with it?It can get very frustrating for a mother who is yelled at every time she says 'no' to a child. In my clinic, I've seen parents who feel desperate when their son or daughter who used to behave like a "saint" is now rebellious, oppositional, and involved in drugs.As a parent, what are your options?Establish a Hierarchy of Consequences ...(related: Parenting)
Classic Parenting: Encouragement, Praise, Acceptance, And Responsibility
Encouragement comes when you focus on your child's assets and strengths in order to build his/her self-confidence. It comes from seeing the positive. Even failures can be outstanding learning experiences. Encouragement sounds like this, "I like the way that you did that," or "I know that you can do it," or, "It looks like you worked very hard at that."
Encouragement is NOT giving compliments for work poorly done, but under those circumstances it IS inspiring your child to work harder and do better. "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up, according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." -St. Paul...(related: Parenting)
Dealing With Lying: The Dos And Donts
Jason Roberts listened to his son's explanation of the missing cookies and then called him a liar. Brenda Taylor thought her three-year-old's lies were cute, so she ignored them. Yee Chen told her daughter that if she told the truth this time, she would let it go.While all of these parents love their children a...(related: Parenting)
Mom Vs. Dad: Navigating Parenting Differences With All Good Intentions
Let's face it: raising children can be quite the adventure. Rewarding at one turn, challenging at the next ? it's the ultimate roller-coaster for the parenting thrill seeker. In the Game of Life, you rolled the dice and accepted the role of co-parent. While the rules seem deceptively s...(related: Parenting)
Joining A Gang: How To Help Kids Prevent It, How To Tell If Theyve Joined One, How To Help Them Out
While youth gangs are nothing new -- they've been traced back to the early 19th century -- the demographic of a youth gang is something that is constantly changing. Many people stereotype gang members as urban, inner city males from racial minorities, but in fact gangs are a problem in suburbs as well as cities, for all races and for girls as well as boys.There are about 750,000 gang members in the United States, according to estim...(related: Parenting)
Help Your Child Do Better In School
1. Create a personal schedule
Recording everything that must be done on a calendar or "to do" list will help him to keep track of important dates and deadlines. If he keeps it in a visible place he will have no problem acknowledging upcoming events and ...(related: Parenting)
Adderall And Its Side-effects
Adderall is a stimulant medication used in the treatment of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder in both children and adults. It is made from a combination of four amphetamine compounds. Adderall is useful because it covers a broader range of ADHD symptoms than a single compound medication such as Ritalin, and because it is a "one a day" dosing. A child with attention deficit disorder usually has to take only one dose of adderall per day to get through school and get his homework done. Adderall is also often used instead of Ritalin because it is less "harsh...(related: Parenting)
Help Your Children To Love Reading
It is so important to create an environment that promotes the love of reading. Not only is reading necessary for survival in today's world, it is educational, it sparks imagination, it is a stress reliever, provides entertainment and enjoyment, the list goes on.Here are some ideas to help you help your child love reading.
- The most important thing a parent can do to teach a child to love reading is for the parent to let the children see how much you love reading. You need to set the example.
- Set aside a time each day when everyone in the family reads. Perhaps it is for half an hour after school or before bed every day. Be consistent.
- Read to your children. Even after they are old enough to read themselves, it ...(related: Parenting)
A Guide To Help You Teach Your Children Positve Self-image Through Fitness
Raising a pre-teen or teenage daughter (or son) is not easy and can cause any parent a lot of stress. There's so much to worry about ? dating, drugs, alcohol, sex, school grades, just to name a few. But one crucial element often gets overlooked until it manifests itself in extreme ways (like through an eating disorder). I'm talking about self-image. It's extremely important that parents ensure that their children have a positive self-image, especially in relation to their body.The key to ensuring strong self-esteem and a positive body image starts with the parent. If you don't feel positive about your self-image, then how can you expect your children to? While this is important for both genders, it is especially critical for rais...(related: Parenting)
site-map - Copyright © 2006 | Contact Webmaster | All Rights Reserved. | Parenting