Powerful Tips For Increasing Your Childs Self-esteem
|
Here is a list of ways to convey the message "You are worthwhile" to your children. This list could fill a hundred newsletters, since the ways to raise responsible, happy children are limited only by our imaginations. Here are some places to begin.
1. Tell her on a regular basis that you love her. Actually say the words. If you think, "I don't have to tell her. She knows," you are wrong. It doesn't count if you think it but don't say it out loud.
2. Tell him that you are glad he is your child. Say the words and mean them. If you don't feel it, there is something wrong and you should find out what's going on. We all have moments when we have a hard time getting in touch with our positive feelings for our children. I'm not talking about those times. I'm talking about in general, most of the time, if you're not feeling good about being your child's parent, something is wrong. He will never feel good about himself if he senses that you are not connected to him.
3. Give her an example to follow. Take the time to teach her the steps. Kids need models. It's unfair to expect that she will know what to do in her daily life if you haven't shown her how to do it.
4. Spend time with him. If you are absent most of the time, he notices, and he probably thinks it's because he isn't important enough.
5. Look at her when you speak to her. This conveys, "This is important and you are important."
6. Look at him when he speaks to you. This conveys, "What you are saying is important. You are important."
7. Explain why. It takes more time, but it conveys that she is important enough to spend the time helping her understand. When you explain why, you are also saying, "I understand that you need to know why. I am going to help you meet your needs."
8. When he tells you about something that happened, ask him how he feels about it. Take the time to listen to his answer.
9. When you ask a question, encourage her to elaborate. Say, "Tell me more about that," or ask, "What was that like?"
10. When you ask a question, don't interrupt when she is answering.
11. When you ask a question, watch your responses. Don't disagree or criticize his answer. This teaches him that it isn't safe to be candid and will make him edit what he tells you.
12. Take her seriously.
13. Participate in the driving. The kids whose parents never help with the driving feel bad about themselves.
14. Say no when you need to say no. Kids need to know there are limits and that some things are outside of those limits.
15. When you say no, explain why.
16. When you say yes, explain why.
17. Set a positive example with your own behavior. You can only expect her to behave with dignity and self-respect if she sees you doing it.
18. When you lose your temper or make a mistake, apologize. Say that you are sorry, be specific about what you are sorry for, and give him a chance to respond.
19. When you know that you have disappointed him, acknowledge it. Ask him how he feels about it.
20. Spend time alone with her. Arrange activities for just the two of you.
21. Ask him what he would like to do.
22. Give her a private space where she can express herself.
23. Respect his privacy.
24. If he did a good job on something, say so.
25. If she didn't do such a good job on something, point out what she did well.
26. After a disappointment or failure, ask, "What did you learn from the experience?"
27. When you are giving feedback, describe specific behavior. For example, "I like how you asked the question so politely" or "You still need to pick up the towels off the floor."
28. When there is a problem, focus on the issue, not the child. For example, "You didn't do the last ten problems on this assignment" is more constructive than "You never finish anything."
29. Ask what he thinks.
30. Let her be the one to choose the restaurant, movie, or activity some of the time.
31. Ask him to go with you on routine errands just because you want to spend some time with him.
32. Touch her when you talk to her.
33. Give him a hug at least every few days.
34. Go in and say goodnight before she goes to sleep. (This is easy to forget once they become teenagers.)
35. Look up and smile when he walks into the room.
36. Introduce yourself when she is with a new friend.
37. Ask her to tell you about the book she is reading or the movie she just saw.
38. Review child development literature regularly to stay updated on what is normal at each age and stage. It is important to recheck your standards and expectations to be sure they are realistic for the child's age and individual abilities.
39. Look for ways to maintain your own self-esteem. If you are unhappy, discontent, or disappointed in how your life is turning out, it will be difficult for you to build the self-esteem of your children.
40. Every child needs to be the object of a parent's undivided attention on a regular basis.
41. Make certain that your body language matches your words. If they are out of synch, he will be aware of it.
42. Be yourself. Tell the truth.
43. Be appropriate. You don't have to say everything that is on your mind or tell him things he isn't ready to know.
44. If you show that you accept yourself and your actions, you give permission to her to do the same.
Garrett Coan is a professional therapist,coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. He offers online and telephone coaching and counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through http://www.creativecounselors.com or 201-303-4303.
|
|
|
The Financially Intelligent Parent: 8 Steps To Raising Successful, Generous, Responsible Children
What you say and do about money has a profound influence on your child. There are money moments every day that you can use to teach your children important skills and lessons about life. But what to...(related: Parenting)
Dexedrine, Cylert, And Adderall In The Treatment Of Adhd
Dexedrine is not prescribed very often for the treatment of ADHD out here in California, but those patients that we've seen on it have done well. Typically...(related: Parenting)
Graduated Driver Licensing (gdl) For Teen Drivers
Drivers 16 years of age have little driving experience, putting them at high risk for traffic accidents. A series of five re...(related: Parenting)
Would You Know If Your Child Were Being Bullied? 4 Tips To Keep Them From Becoming A Victim
The 21st Century Problem in Schools: Bullying, and How to Keep Your Kid From Being a VictimChildren bullying other children has been an issue since there were children, and though it has often been downplayed as "part of growing up," it has always had potentially serious implications from an emotional perspective.But these days, due to a host of factors such as our society's glorification of celebrity and being popular, violence in mass media, and easy access to deadly weapons, the implications can be especially risky. At the extreme, in many of the school shootings over the last decade, the perpetrators were withdrawn students who had a history of being bullied. Though still largely ignored or discounted as a minor issue, bullying is a very serious - an...(related: Parenting)
From Good To Great: Secrets On Becoming A Better Dad
While most fathers aspire to become the best Dads they can, all too often life just seems to get in the way. Missed soccer games and bedtime stories, always "In a minute" or "Later" when asked to play. The years pass, and many are left to wonder why their kids don't seem to make time for THEM any more.As fathers, if we are to succeed in creating strong meaningful lasting bonds with our children, we need to find balance in our lives, and to ensure we make time for our family-letting them get to know the real us. No time? Don't worry! It's easier than you think. Here are seven easy ways to add quality time to your wee...(related: Parenting)
Teaching Preschool Color And Shapes With Family Games
My kids just can't get enough of playing games with Mom and Dad--can yours?Sometimes we all take a break in the middle of the day and play a game together. Most of the time, I just make sure we play games so that we all have fun together. I can get so caught up in things that I'll go from one task to the next and forget to have a little fun.Today, after several pleas from my kids, I got out the Uno cards. Today I would be playing with six-year-old Ryan and three-year-old Maegan. In the past, Maegan would sit on my lap and help me with my cards; but today, she wanted to be her "own team"."Yep," she answered and put down a yellow card on top of the pile.Round and round we went, with Maegan putting d...(related: Parenting)
While You Have The Time, Take The Time
Here in Kansas, where we live, the leaves are turning beautiful shades and falling off the trees. Just last week, I was babysitting some little boys and we were playing outside. The area around their home was carpeted in leaves--ready for our enjoyment! We raked the leaves into huge piles, jumped in them, buried people underneath them, and threw leaves at each other. We had a blast! There was almost constant giggling, ...(related: Parenting)
How To Create An Emotional Bond With Your Child
One of the most powerful tools that parents have for raising their children is the natural emotional bond that exists between them and their child. Children who feel close to their parents will have a strong desire to obey them. No child with this type of connection to his parents will want to risk hurting that connection by disobeying them. When such a relationship exists, the mere look of dissatisfaction on the face of a parent will usually be enough to curb inappropriate behavior. This bond is so strong and so potent that it lasts even through adolescence when most of the disciplinary tools at our disposal are ineffective. Often, it is the only...(related: Parenting)
Frequently Asked Questions About Reading To Your Child
Are you worried about your child's reading habits? Perhaps you feel he or she should be starting to read, but they have no interest in books whatsoever? I had the same problem with my son. Gosh, he would rather chew on 'The Big Book of Nursery Rhymes' than read a word from it! Here's a short list of questions which I find very relevant if you're concerned about your kids' reading habits.Question: There are some scary children stories like "Hansel and Gretel" out there. Will they disturb my child?Answer: The important thing here is the manner in which the story is told. If you're reading to your child in words, then there should be no problem. If however, you're watching a movie version of the story, then per...(related: Parenting)
Personal Honor
There are moments in a parent's or grandparent's life, when they receive validation for the way they are living, or, have lived, that life. These moments are usually quiet ones, with no fanfare celebrating the occasion. Yet, the importance of these moments has no equal. To those of us who have given of our time, our love, our care, ourselves, they are of far greater private, personal significance, than can be stated.A few years ago, I found myself in a personally trying situation. It was during this period that I was paid what I feel will be the finest compliment I shall ever receive. It concerned my conduct during this time. My eldest daughter remarked that she believed me to be the most honorabl...(related: Parenting)
Anorexia Nervosa Alert - Is Your Daughter Dying To Be Thin?
Anorexia nervosa is a serious medical disorder that is statistically most prevalent in the adolescent teenage years of young women. It is estimated that 7% of the population suffers from eating disorders and if left untreated over 20% of them will die from it. Anorexia takes the lives of children everyday in this world and there are things you can do as a parent to identify anorexic behaviors and intervene to protect your children.Anorexia nervosa is a condition where one becomes obsessed with losing weight and practices self-starvation in an attempt to...(related: Parenting)
Social Engineering Via Robotic Toddlers
Is there a way to build a robot to help toddlers and pre-schoolers learn proper social behavior without the parents intervention? A robotic friend so to speak; one, which will play with the child and explore colors and shapes. Perhaps build legos? Now before you say I am wacked, let's discuss this. The parents cannot be everywhere all the time. Also the child needs to learn to get along and share with others and be self-sufficient; a robotic partner and friend with a special behavior program.We could call this invention "RoboFriend" which would teach the child in the early years that shari...(related: Parenting)
The Better Behavior Wheel - A New Kind Of Calm In The Family
There's a new kind of fun and calm out there in the name of the Better Behavior Wheel, invented by Julie Butler and her family in central British Columbia. In an interesting twist on charts and discipline, this versatile wheel can be hung on a wall or toted with you in the car and on vacations.It's a way to get whole family involvement, and a little bit of humor to get us over the discipline bumps. Kayla Fay, publisher of Who Put the K...(related: Parenting)
site-map - Copyright © 2006 | Contact Webmaster | All Rights Reserved. | Parenting