Parenting Your Teenager: The 4 Ds Of Time With Family
|
How would you like to have more time? Of course we all want more time. There are just two problems: 1. We can't add more hours to the day; 2. Even if we could add more hours, we would just fill them up with the same stress we have now.
What we can do is use our time differently. And I don't mean buy a new schedule planner. Adapted from the work of Stephen Covey and Anthony Robbins, here are some skills for creating more time in your life and some suggestions for what to do with the time.
Distraction. Distractors are ways we use our time that are not urgent and not important. Some might call it recreation. Exercising, playing a sport, taking a walk, reading a book, watching TV or playing solitaire on your computer are all ways of distracting ourselves from the stress in our lives.
And we all need some distraction in our lives. The problem is that many of us spend far too much time in distraction that could be spent on more life-giving activities.
Delusion. No, I'm not talking about seeing little aliens or believing you are Napoleon. Delusions are the activities in our lives that we make urgent, but really aren't important. Many people get hooked on the thrill of urgency and then run around doing lots of unimportant things.
Demands. Now we are looking at the things that are both urgent and important. An important deadline, the car breaking down, a child sick at school - all are urgent and important.
The time-draining kind of demands that nag at most of us are usually brought on by that old time enemy called procrastination. The next time you find yourself tempted to procrastinate, here's what you do: just put it off. That's right, just say to yourself, I'll procrastinate later, right now I'll get it done.
Destiny. These are the things that may not be urgent but are tremendously important: spending time with family and friends, taking time to relax, building and growing important relationships, planning for the future. These are the things that shape our destiny.
Consider how much time you spend on distractions, delusions and demands. How might your life be different if you spent that time on things that shape your destiny?
Here's one simple yet powerful suggestion I recently heard. Think of it this way: In a child's mind, what is the most important thing they do in a day? Play. In a child's mind, who are the most important people in life? Mom and Dad.
So when we as parents (the most important people in their lives) play with them (the most important activity in their lives), children know that they are important and loved. Not a bad way to spend your time.
For more tips and tools for thriving during the teenage years, visit parenting coach Jeff Herring's ParentingYourTeenager.com
|
|
|
Sometimes Our Childrens Questions Answer Our Own
I was changing Ford's diaper the other day when he asked, "Mom, will we always have Tanner?"Tanner is the family dog, and at twelve-years old, her health is quickly deteriorating."No, Ford," I said gently, "we won't always have Tanner. She is old, and she won't always be with us.""But if she's not with us," he asked, "who will have her?"Ever since I became a mother 4 years ago, I've been preparing myself for the tough questions-Why am I here? Where do babies come from? Who shot JFK?-but I admit I wasn't ready for life's greatest question in the middle of a diaper change.I answered carefully. "Ford, when someone is no longer with us, they go to live with Jesus in Heaven."A tear made its way down Ford's cheek as he said, "Well, I don't want an...(related: Parenting)
Mutants Or Clones?
In a single dose of children's television, I was bombarded with themes of mutants, cyborgs, evolving and the digital world. These words intimidated me at first, until I learned what the shows were talking about. I wondered how this prepares children for living in the 21st century. The answer hit me when I came across the saying, "Don't Clone...Mutate."For those not familiar with the new language, a few definitions are in order. A clone is an exact replica of the original source. Clones are trained to mindlessly conform. Success and failure are based on how well the clone conforms rather than on the clone's accomplishments and abilities. A mutant is someone or something that has changed from the original source. Mutants are evaluated on their abilities and accomplishments.In raising children, some par...(related: Parenting)
Raising Strong Daughters
When my daughter was born, I must admit there wasa distinctly different feeling to it. Part of me was thrilled, but part of me was unsure of how to deal with a gender I still couldn't quite understand.When my son was born, there was a clear sense thatthis was territory that I knew: there will bewrestling, playing ball together, playing withcars and, he has a penis! There was a sense ofsecurity from all of this and a deep sense ofknowing.Raising a daughter creates different issues formany fathers; it is even more challengingconsidering the cultural landscape that existstoday.To better understand these is...(related: Parenting)
Assume Personal Responsibility? Who, Me?
As thinking, acting human beings we have the ability to choose our response to events, people and circumstances. We do not become responsible when we mature; we mature when we become responsible.Psychologists teach that the only reasons people are ever motivated or moved to action is to gain a reward or avoid a penalty. As you teach this principal to the children in your charge be sure to explain what they will gain or lose by the choices they make.Personal Responsiblity is an ever widening circle of people, places and events affected by our decisions. In the center of that circle, an area which many people never get beyond is:ME: I am in charge of those things that directly affect me as a person. Examples are...(related: Parenting)
The Importance Of Fathers
There is no doubt that mothers play an all-important leading role in the lives of their children. They are the obvious heroes of child rearing. But what about a father's role? Just how important are the dads of the world compared to the almighty image of mother? My belief is that fathers play just as important a role as mothers. Different, yes. Possibly not as nurturing, not as all-sacrificing but just as important in the developmental and emotional well being of a child.Dads are the solid foundation of our lives. They are the shore we swim to when our arms and legs feel increasingly tired. They are the strength we rely on as we take our first tentative steps into the world. Dads can be tender, tough, fragile or powerful ...(related: Parenting)
Parenting Your Teenager: What Teens Say About Parents
What's hard for teenagersHaving people who don't understand you trying to control you.Parents not understanding the things you have to deal with.Having to deal with school.Being accepted by friends.Having someone really close to you leave you.Being blamed for almost everything because we are teen-agers.Living with divorced parents and having no say in where you go.Dealing with boy/girl friends.Trying to deal with a parent who doesn't want to understand and take time to listen to your comments.Not being financially independent.Meeting parents' expectations and never being good enough.Knowing your parents are right.What's best about being a teenGetting away with immature behavior.The chance to tr...(related: Parenting)
Public Schools Can Cripple Your Childrens Ability To Read
For many adults, reading a book or newspaper seems effortless. Yet reading effortlessly comes from constant use of basic skills learn...(related: Parenting)
Managing Your Stepfamily
If you are a member of a stepfamily, you know how difficult it can be to integrate all of the new members and adjust to the new boundaries and rules. The following ideas may help you make a successful transition during this challenging process.Have patience. Establishing ...(related: Parenting)
Parenting Secrets Revealed
So your little Susie wants to join a competitive gymnastic club? You conclude that this is going to be great fun! Maybe, you even think this is just the ticket your bouncy little girl needs to get rid of her pent-up energy while meeting other little friends. Initially, all seems well as you proudly watch your Susie happily striving to achieve equilibrium success. However, as the first competitive trial draws near, Susie is apprehensive and fearful. She doesn't appear quite as secure as she did during the training classes. Why not?You're thrilled! Your ten year old son Randy wants to play on the little league baseball team. You think this is perfect. He can learn the importance of being a team member while gaining some confidence participating in a sport that he enjoys. His father is delighted to see that his son is ...(related: Parenting)
Positive Parenting - Oops! I Really Lost My Temper With My Kids, What Now?
Ever blown your top to your children, only to regret it ten minutes later?Silly question, it happens to us all no matter how well-behaved our kids or placid and patient we are. ...(related: Parenting)
site-map - Copyright © 2006 | Contact Webmaster | All Rights Reserved. | Parenting