Advising Teens? Getting Your Point Across
|
Giving advice to a teenager is very easy; getting a teenager to take that advice is another matter altogether. It's not only a case of the advice 'falling on deaf ears', sometimes the teenager seems to go deliberately out of their way to do the exact opposite, that's when you know you've got a problem. So how do you go about giving advice to a teen?
The short answer to this question is "don't". Now at first glance this probably sounds ridiculous, after all parents have more experience of life and most would agree that a parent's job is to pass this experience onto their children.
But the problem with giving advice is that it's really just a way of maintaining control. We often cover it up by saying we know what's best in the situation, we have the experience and knowledge, but in reality what we're saying is what we want to happen, this is what we want you to do.
Adolescence is a time for learning to self-manage, to take responsibility for yourself and your actions. It's an essential process if your teen is to become a well-adjusted, fully functioning adult ready for the 21st century. And a fundamental part of the process is handing over control to your teen.
For most parents this is a really scary thought. They're concerned over what will happen if they do, that if they give up some control it will mean they lose all control. They're concerned about what their teen will do, what happens if they get it wrong, they feel a need to protect their teen.
Firstly, handing over control at this stage is more about handing over responsibility and accountability on how to do something, not handing over total control. It's about letting your teen have an involvement in how to solve a particular problem, it's about teaching them problem solving skills. If you always provide the solution how will they ever learn to do it for themselves?
Secondly, your teen is very likely to get it 'wrong', to make mistakes and what is wrong about that? You're teaching them how to self-correct, just as they did when they first learned to ride a bike and kept falling off. Making mistakes is a natural part of the learning process; more learning comes from making mistakes than comes from getting it 'right'. How much does it really matter if they don't get it 'right' first time or choose the 'best' alternative?
Finally, is your solution the 'best'? It's easy to forget that our children are different to us when thinking about a solution to a problem. The solution may be the best one for you, but is it the best one for your teen?
Giving advice by telling teens what to do is only one way of passing on a parent's knowledge, there are other ways of achieving the same outcome and with a higher likelihood of success. And it's how you pass on that experience that makes the difference.
How to Get Your Point Across
How well do you listen to your teen? Why not find out by taking my listening quiz aimed at parents of children over eleven.
Carol Shepley has been involved with young people for over 10 years and, as the parent of a teen herself, fully understands the pressures placed on parents and teens today. She now shares this knowledge and experience through her website http://www.growingupmatters.com so that parents can help their children become resilient, resourceful and responsible adults.
|
|
|
Water! Water Everywhere!
What one word best sums up summer fun? Water. I bet your favorite memories as a child involved getting wet, running through sprinklers on a sweltering afternoon, water fights in the backyard, wading at the beach, playing on the slip & slide, and skipping rocks across the river. Your kids will relish the same experiences if they share them with you.The real secret to having fun with kids is to be easy going enough to enjoy their company. Be sure to appreciate the little things like their suggestions for other games, their planning other times for play and the compliments that are sure to follow!The memories will be of a parent who made the time to play with them, talk with them and laugh with them. More than anything else children want time with loving, relaxed parents, something they cannot get from a televis...(related: Parenting)
Mom, Dad And The Big Brother
Software for parental control is a useful tool, if applied right. Millions of parents in the USA alone do check their kids' online behavior. In November 2004 a telephone survey made by the Pew Internet and American Life Project showed that:54% of families with computers connected to th...(related: Parenting)
How Do You Find The Best Car Seat To Protect Your Child
Choosing a good car seat for your child's protection is a prime consideration for any new parent. To give your child the best chance of escaping injury in the event of a collision, you'll need to a car seat suited to your child's age and weight.To choose a proper car seat, you'll need to understand that there are three main types of car seats for children. These are: infant ...(related: Parenting)
Teaching Your Child Safety
Q. What is the best way to teach safety awareness to young children?A. The best way is to follow your instincts. It is a natural process. You, your parents, your brothers and sisters, any other close members of your family, and your friends provide just the right input.You are your child's first and most important teacher. You, your family, and your friends form for your c...(related: Parenting)
Life Lessons In A Glass Of Beer
It was blisteringly hot last Saturday. As I took that first sip of a cold quality beer I knew it was sure to ease my thirst. However, I never expected that in that same frosted mug were also lessons on how to be a better Dad.Often as fathers we find parental inspiration in the most unlikely of places. For me, further insight into my parenting skills came to me just last week while attending a seminar on beer & BBQ'ing. Perhaps it was the samples of fine micro-brews, or spending time in the company of other Dad's, but as our speaker discussed the secrets of brewing a premium beer, my mind began to draw comparisons to parenting.I learned that when it comes to making beer, everyone starts out with roughly the same raw ingredients?b...(related: Parenting)
Single Parents: Give Yourselves Credit
Single parents are not often thought of as good parents.I became acutely aware of this fact when my children were young and I was dealing with the challenges of being a single mom. An "expert" told me that the increase in the number o...(related: Parenting)
How Kids Learn To Cooperate In Video Games -- A Guide For Parents And Teachers
A great many parents are concerned that the electronic games their kids play are teaching the kids "negative" messages such as aggression, violence, and isolation from real people. I want to illustrate here how computer and video game playing, can have positive effects on kids. This includes even the "addictive" game playing associated with many of these games. The learning from these games is well worth the effort the kids put in playing them, and kids typically sense this at some level, which is one reason they fight so hard for their games.One key lesson many of their games is teaching them is the value of people working together and helping each other. To illustrate how this occurs, I...(related: Parenting)
Your Child?s Self-esteem Is In The Cards
Research has shown that the present generation of children worldwide is demonstrating more social-emotional challenges (from low self-esteem to depression) than ever before. Families, schools, recreation programs etc. are recognizing that it is critical our children be taught positive values like caring about others and oneself, behaving responsibly, recognizing and managing emotions and developing positive relationships.Parents can use a variety of tools, such as affirmation cards, to encourage their children to believe...(related: Parenting)
Film Industry And Our Youth
In the first premise, some films and video tapes which are released into the world market are doing more harm to the society than good. These films are full of various modes and systems of corruptions. Imagine a film in which a small boy abused and insulted the age mate of his parents for almost one and half hours and was punished in the film for only five minutes,much emphasis is laid on the insult and abuse than the punishment inherent in the social malady. When other children watch such a movie, they think withing them that it is no harm to do such a thing to ones parent or other elders, then they imitate such act and started to abuse their elders in the public. These children do not know that real life situations a...(related: Parenting)
Book Review: how To Get Your Child To Love Reading
How to Get Your Child to Love Reading was conceived when author Esmé Raji Codell was staring at a shriveled potato that was sprouting eyes. She wondered, " . . . if I had a potato, nothing but a potato, how could I teach a classroom full of children? Well, I could cut a potato in half. (I can use the paring knife from my own kitchen, right?) We could review fractions. With one half, I could cut a design and do potato prints. We could plant the eyes from the other half of the potato (it can have eyes, right?) and grow more potatoes, charting their growth." The ideas cascade: writing a story about a potato, making a book of potato recipes or potato poems, making potato stamps of all the letters, teaching reading, getting books from the library about potatoes, talking about the Irish potato famine...(related: Parenting)
Surprise ? Public School Class Size Doesnt Matter Very Much
School authorities often complain that classes are too large. They claim that teachers can't be expected to give their students the individual attention they need if there are too many students in the class. On the surface, this excuse seems to have some merit. Common sense tells us that in smaller classes, teachers can give more time and attention to each student.However, many studies show that smaller class size does not guarantee that children get a better education. The pupil-to-teacher ratio in public schools in the mid-1960s was about 24 to 1. This ratio dropped to about 17 to 1 by the early 1990s, which means the average cla...(related: Parenting)
Parenting---roots And Wings
I'm sure many of you have heard that old Hallmark card adage that goes something like this: Parents give their children two great gifts---one is roots, the other is wings. This is what I address in this article.As parents, we pray for our children's safety, health and happiness. We do everything we know to help make these things happen for them.At some point in our lives, we developed the principles and values that guide our life decisions. Our parents and/or caregivers certainly had influence over this but not complete determination. Some of us gladly adopted the values of...(related: Parenting)
Childrens Books And Educational Toys - Can They Still Be Fun And Have Educational Value
It was no contest. Given a choice between a ball and a book, my son would never have cracked a book binding. Giving him educational toys was a lot like giving him medicine. He didn't want any part of either one. Fortunately, things have changed a great deal in the 20-odd years since he was a youngster. Educational toys, just like children's medicines have come a long way. Children's medicines taste good enough that tiny tykes will resist taking ...(related: Parenting)
site-map - Copyright © 2006 | Contact Webmaster | All Rights Reserved. | Parenting