Ann Oliveri, Master of Education
Motivation is the drive to achieve success. The things you say to your child
have a powerful influence over the attitudes they develop. Inspire your child to
achieve success in learning by sharing these motivational messages with them.
How do you find out what motivates your child? You simply ask, 'What made you get that done?' and really listen to the answer. We are all unique, so the answer will be different for each of us. Fully listen to your child's reply and give it importance. By that I mean think about what they are saying, not what you want to say next. Listen without interrupting, from beginning to end. Listen with genuine acceptance and understanding. When you do, your child will feel accepted, loved and more motivated.
Be aware of your child's emotional reactions to learning. These may include showing anger, anxiety or frustration. Some children react by avoiding or blaming the task or other people. Others may give the impression of being unenthusiastic or uncooperative. So try to really understand how your child feels. Listen with sympathy and sensitivity. Some children give up on learning because they think that personal effort and persistence are useless. They feel helpless. If this is happening to your child, accept your child's expression of negative feelings. You could say something like, 'I understand how you would feel like that. It's OK. How about we look at some new ways of thinking to change what happens for you? Then you might feel, and be able to do things, differently.
Our thoughts influence how we feel and what we do. Begin to gently challenge your child's thoughts. Introduce your child to the idea of 'self-talk.' Self-talk is another word for what you are thinking, or telling yourself, about events as you experience them. An optimistic style of self-talk leads to success in learning. You can also help your child develop optimism by sharing your own self-talk. Talk about something your child has done well by sharing your own thoughts out loud. Say something like, 'I was just saying to myself that when you try hard, with your homework, you get good results.' In this way, you not only model optimistic self-talk but you attribute your child's success to 'trying hard', something they can control.
A sense of control means that your child realises that how they think, and what they do, makes a difference. When they put in personal effort and persistence they can achieve success in learning. This leads to self-confidence and optimism about their future. It can dissolve feelings of helplessness. Focus on effort, strategy and attitude. Things your child can control like trying hard, practice, planning and organisation. Respect your child's autonomy. Encourage your child to take responsibility for solving their own problems. Involve your child in family decision making. Assist your child to do the things they really love to do.
Treasure your child's uniqueness. After all, there is no one else quite like them. Your child is an original, so help them be the unique person they are. Help your child realise that there is more to being successful than competence in a narrow range of skills. Allow your child many opportunities to show the world, and themselves, what they can do. There are many pathways to success. Discover your child's unique learning style. It is the key to unlocking their natural motivation.
When you do what you love your natural motivation kicks in. Just ask 'peak performers' like our elite sportspeople. Interestingly, while they are involved in highly competitive sports, they often talk about 'personal bests' as their primary motivator. They understand that we can't win all the time, and they accept failure as an indicator of their next challenge. By encouraging your child to achieve their 'personal best' they can compete with their own past performance. This not only gives them more control over the outcome, but also prevents the damaging effects of comparison with others.
At times your child may feel overwhelmed by the amount of work they have to do. The solution is to break it into smaller parts and take it step by step. Instead of seeing a page of sums for Maths homework, encourage your child to do the first couple then praise them for their effort. As each step is completed, encourage your child's effort so they feel successful. The focus is on effort, something your child can control. This gives your child the confidence to keep trying.
Everyone needs to be acknowledged for their efforts and achievements. Thinking of how you are going to reward yourself, when the job is done, can be a powerful motivator. Help your child tap into this feeling each step along the way, by discussing and setting up small rewards. Remember each small step where your child feels successful will lead to greater success. So celebrate your child's efforts and achievements. Teach your child how to reward themselves by giving them feedback such as, 'That's a terrific project. What do you think about it?' Encourage your child to make positive comments about their efforts and achievements.
Many great achievers say that they could have never achieved their success on their own. Everyone needs a success team to support and encourage them 100% of the way. Who is on your child's team? Have you considered a study buddy or a mentor who shares your child's special interests? Positive people can often teach, through their own example, how to press on when enthusiasm wanes and how to bounce back from a setback. Support your child's school. It gives your child a sense of belonging and helps them fit in. Show your child by example that it's OK to ask for help, by seeking help when you need it. Each child is different and every stage of development brings new challenges, so there may be times when you need some advice and support.
Laughter is good for learning. It not only relieves stress and reduces anxiety but helps your child to relax and regain alertness, and to refocus on the task. Laugh at your own mistakes. Children love it. It gives them the message that mistakes are OK and reduces the fear of failing. So have fun, lighten up and share a joke, even if it is at your own expense.
You can have a deep and profoundly positive effect on your
child. The messages you give them in their childhood stay in their minds through
to adulthood, and influence the way they think about themselves and interact
with the world. These messages affect their willingness to have a go, to keep
trying, and to bounce back when things go wrong. Listen with genuine interest to
your child's feelings. Treasure your child's uniqueness. Most of all show them
you love and accept them for who they are.
© 2006 Ann Oliveri
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Ann Oliveri M. Ed. Dip. R.S.A.TESOL has 30 years experience teaching in
Australia, Japan, Hong Kong and Malaysia. She was recently awarded the Dean’s
Commendation for Outstanding Achievement. If you want positive and effective
results visit
www.SkyrocketToSuccess.com.
NOTE: You’re welcome to reprint this article online or in hardcopy magazines or
newspapers as long as it remains unaltered and complete (including the “about
the author” info at the end), and you send a copy of your reprint to
info@successinlearning.com.au or P.O. Box 7422 Sippy Downs Queensland 4556
Australia.
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